The next morning, Ana woke me up as the sun was barely peeking above the horizon. I turned to the digital clock on the floor. It read 6:04 A.M.

“Ana, why so early?” I whined, trying to pull the blankets over my head. She rolled her eyes and ripped the blanket off me, making me squeal as the cold air touched my previously warm skin.

“I have to be at work really early this morning. My first appointment is at 7:30, and I have to have you and Haley downstairs, myself dressed, and then I have to get across town before then. Now get up and get dressed. I put some jeans and a shirt over the back of the couch that you can wear today. I’m going to get Haley ready.” She reached into the baby’s crib and picked the squirming child up, bouncing her a few times before grabbing her change of clothes and going into the bathroom.

I sighed and shivered, quickly pulling the shirt over my head. The jeans soon followed, as well as two pairs of socks to battle the cold. I was brushing the knots out of my hair when Ana came back, holding a clean and happy baby Haley. Haley cooed and gurgled, reaching her arms out to me. I held her tight and bounced her on my hip while Ana finished gathering Haley’s things. She pulled a jacket over her pajamas and walked Haley and me to Mrs. Johnson’s apartment. The cat was still at the corner, this time laying down and knocking his head against the wall.

“Poor kitty,” I said as we passed. Ana reached down and scratched the cat behind his ears, and he purred his thanks.

“That old boy’s been there as long as I can remember. I don’t know if he ever leaves that spot.” She replied, knocking on Mrs. Johnson’s apartment door.

It took her a few minutes, but soon Mrs. Johnson opened the door for us. We quickly entered her apartment to warm up before Ana went back up to her home. Mrs. Johnson took Haley from me and placed her in a playpen in the corner with a teething ring and a big stuffed rabbit.

“I’m so sorry it took so long for me to get here, dears, but these old bones just won’t move in the mornings!” She chuckled heartily and smiled at us both. I liked her. Her eyes crinkled up when she laughed, and she didn’t seem grumpy in the least bit, despite the early hour.

“That’s all right, ma’am.” Ana said, “Do you think the kid could help you out for a while today? I’ve got to go to work and I don’t want her to be alone on this side of town. At least, not until she’s used to it. She can help you out with Haley. I’ll be back to get her at 2:30, then we’ll be back at four. I’ll bring you something for your sweet tooth later, all right Mrs. J?”

“Oh, that’s just fine with me!” She grinned widely. “Honey bear, do you know how to read? Do you think you could read to this poor old woman? My eye sight just isn’t what it used to be!” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and squinted a few times.

“Yes ma’am, I can read. I’ll read to you.” I said, clasping my hands behind my back. Adults made me nervous, especially elderly people. I was afraid I would say something disrespectful.

Ana and Mrs. Johnson discussed Haley’s feeding times and nap times, then Ana went back upstairs. I assume she was getting dressed for her day at work. Mrs. Johnson told me to make myself feel at home, so I sat on the carpet next to the playpen and watched Haley teethe and drool all over the stuffed rabbit.

I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Mrs. Johnson was tapping my shoulder lightly. I looked over at Haley, who was fast asleep. I got up and followed Mrs. Johnson to the living room area, where she motioned for me to have a seat on a plush chair next to the couch. She walked over to her book shelf and closed her eyes, then randomly picked out a book for me to read to her. It was a small book, and very old. I glanced down at the title. It was To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

“Oh, dear, that was one of my favorites when I was younger! I read it for the first time when I was in college. That Harper Lee, she was a character! Her book was perfect, and she intended to keep it that way. Oh, please start reading to me. I haven’t heard this book in a good thirty years or more.” She clasped her hands in her lap and looked at me eagerly. A fat midnight-black cat jumped into her lap, rubbing its head against her arm and purring loudly. I began to read.

Time flew as I read, and soon I found myself lost in Jem and Scout’s adventures as well. The mysteries of Boo Radley and Atticus One-Shot Finch formed questions in my mind, and it was clear Mrs. Johnson was thinking the same things. At one point, she stopped me and asked me what I thought of the book. I told her all of the questions that had been stirring in my head, and we discussed them until Haley started fussing. Mrs. Johnson rose quickly and hobbled over to the playpen to check on the baby, so I stuck a bookmark in the book and followed her.

“I just don’t get it, Mrs. Johnson.” I said, “Why is it so wrong to act like a tomboy? Why can’t Scout be left alone to play with her brother?”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “Things were a lot different back then. The book was set in the 1930’s, which was just before I was born. Women back then were expected to behave like proper ladies. When I was growing up, girls weren’t allowed to wear pants to school or anything. Even in the cold winters, we had to wear dresses and skirts with pantyhose and nice shoes. Thankfully, that didn’t last forever. I was a bit of a tomboy myself, back in the day.”

“You? A tomboy?” I couldn’t picture this old feeble woman running through cow pastures and climbing trees like most tomboys did.

“You bet your bottom dollar! I was one of the best seed-spitters this side of the county. Give me half a watermelon, and I could whoop any boy who challenged me. Of course, I can’t do much of that now, can I?” She grinned and handed Haley to me. “Hold her for a second, and I’ll go fetch my old photo album. Miss Ana loved to look at these photographs when she first moved in upstairs. That was before Miss Haley came along. Ana had a lot more time back then.” Mrs. Johnson disappeared into her bedroom area and returned with a large album, bursting with all sorts of photographs and papers.

“Come on over here. Let me show you some history.” She said, patting the seat next to her on the couch. I plopped next to her with Haley in my lap.

“Look,” she said, pointing to a picture, “This was me when I was seven years old.”

It was a black and white photo of a little girl in a sundress and two boys in overalls. The girl had her arms wrapped around a big dog, and each boy was holding a kitten. A man was seated in the background, smiling at the children. It was a very sweet picture.

“That,” she said pointing to the man, “Was my Daddy. The two boys are my older brothers, Jim and Robert. The dog’s name was Sandy. Jim’s cat was called Ray and Robert’s cat was called Sally. That house behind them was where I grew up. I didn’t leave there until I was near 21. I commuted to the closest college and got a good education. Eventually, that got tiresome, so I got an apartment in the city I went to school in. I’ve been here ever since.”

“Here? You mean this apartment?”

“I sure do,” she said, “I’ve been living here darn near my whole life. It’s a comfortable place, even if it is on the wrong side of the tracks.”

She flipped a few pages over and pointed to another picture. This one was an older lady and two small children. The boy was Robert from the last picture. The girl didn’t look familiar. They were sitting in an old wicker chair reading a book. The girl was half-asleep, but the boy was laughing. In the picture beside it, five children were seated around a Christmas tree, showing off their presents. The three boys got cork guns. The girls each got a rag doll.

“This picture is of my Aunt Grace holding Robert and her daughter Louise. The children in the Christmas picture are Robert, Jim, our cousin Freddy, Louise, and myself. Louise also had a little sister named Helen, but she was a baby back then. Louise and I named our rag dolls after each other. Mine was named Lu Lu, and hers was named Nanny.” She smiled at the picture, then at Haley who was sucking on my hair. “I’ve still got that old rag doll somewhere.”

“What’s your real name, Mrs. Johnson?” I asked, taking my slobbery hair back from the baby and setting her on the floor. Haley promptly grabbed for my shoelace and sucked on it.

“Nancy. Nancy Ann Johnson.” She said, turning more pages in the book. She was still looking when a knock sounded on the door, startling us both. I glanced at the clock, which read 2:34.

Mrs. Johnson closed the book and answered the door. Ana stood there out of breath, like she’d just run a few blocks.

“Hey kiddo, ready to go shopping?” She said brightly.


We left Mrs. Johnson’s apartment and wove through a series of back alleys until we hit a part of town I’d never been in. We stopped in front of the Second Chance store. A middle-aged man was sleeping on the sidewalk next to the doorway. There were bums all over this side of town, it seemed. How did people live like this?

“Here’s your new mall, kiddo.” Ana said, pushing me towards the door. “Do you want me to come in with you for a few minutes? I have an appointment nearby in about ten minutes, but I can spare a minute if you want some help.”

“You mean you aren’t staying with me? Ana, I don’t know this part of town! What if something bad happens to me?” I started to panic.

“Chill out, Lyss. You’ll be fine. You need to learn to toughen up if you’re going to live downtown. I know it’s scary the first time alone, but you’ll be fine. If I can get enough money today, I’ll buy you a knife or something for your protection and show you how to use it. Now, can you spend your money wisely? You know what you need. Save about five dollars or so. We can stop by the drug store later and pick up a toothbrush, toothpaste, and whatever else we can get there. For now, you need clothes.” She glanced down at her watch.

“I guess I can handle it. Will you come right back?” I chewed on my bottom lip nervously.

“Of course. Look, I’ll be back at 3:45 and we can go to the drug store together. Just don’t leave this store and you’ll be fine.” She smiled and gave me a quick hug, then disappeared through another alleyway.

I sighed and turned towards the store. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open. The bars on the windows made me nervous, and my fears weren’t lessened when I saw the selection of clothes. Most of it was stained and ugly. There were sweaters full of holes with crude patches covering the worst of it. There were baby toys and furniture in the back. It really was like a mall, except it was disgusting. There was an old biker woman at the counter, watching a gambling tournament on a 12-inch television. She glanced up when I walked in, then lit a cigarette and continued watching her match. Other than that, the store was empty.

I took a deep, shuddery breath and began to search for new clothes. I found a rack of decent looking sweaters and sweat-shirts. There was a beautiful red pullover that I decided would be suitable. I checked the price tag. “Wow,” I thought, “Only $1? If all of these clothes are this cheap, I won’t be so picky.”

Ten minutes later, I had found 5 shirts, two sweaters, the red pullover, and four pairs of jeans. One of the pairs of jeans was only a dime, since it was full of holes, even though it would be very easy to patch it up. Two other people entered the store, but I paid neither any attention. I had a purpose now. I found a practically new pair of pajamas in the very back, priced at three dollars. I also found a thick, warm jacket on sale.

By the time Ana showed up, I had nearly everything I needed. We walked up to the counter together and I paid for my purchases. The total only came to $10.27 plus tax. I was amazed.

Once we were outside, Ana checked out what all I bought. She said I had done really good.

“It’s too bad Maggie wasn’t in there today,” she said, “She’s a real riot. She’d have given us a discount and it would’ve cost even less.”

“Isn’t that illegal? I think Mom said once that people aren’t supposed to give discounts to some people and not to others.”

“Lyss? Honey? Do you think anybody in this side of town cares? Seriously now, nobody follows the rules down here. The cops know that. That’s why they leave us all alone. It’s when one of us goes to the upper class part of town that we get in trouble. As long as we stay in our own corrupt region, we can do as we wish.” She laughed bitterly. “Some of these people have no choice but to do illegal things. If they followed the law, they would die.”

“Like who?” I asked.

“Nobody. Nevermind. Come on, kiddo, let’s go to the drugstore. I need to get you back to Mrs. Johnson’s apartment before four. I’ve got an appointment at 4:15 that I can’t be late for.”

The trip to the drugstore was brief. We found a toothbrush and toothpaste, a box of tampons that I insisted on, and an ear thermometer for Haley. Ana was certain that she would get sick this winter. Ana also grabbed a Snickers bar for Mrs. Johnson, explaining that the old woman craved Snickers and nearly any sweet treats that she could eat.

We got back to Mrs. Johnson’s apartment just as she was changing Haley. Ana walked over and picked up her baby, kissing her gently. Haley made happy baby noises and snuggled into Ana’s shoulder. It was the sweetest sight I’d seen in my life. Just as quickly as she rushed in, Ana rushed out. She yelled over her shoulder that she would be back at six to pick us both up.

Haley went straight to sleep soon after, so Mrs. Johnson asked if I would read to her again. I picked up To Kill a Mockingbird and began where I’d left off. Mrs. Johnson shut her eyes and enjoyed the sound of my voice. I read for the longest time, up until the point where Jem had to read to the old lady in the story. I stopped there and pointed out how ironic that was.

“He had to read to her and I’m reading to you. Isn’t that funny, Mrs. Johnson?” I said, dragging her out of her trance.

“Not quite funny,” she said smiling, “But I know what you mean.”

It didn’t seem like too much longer when Ana showed up again to take Haley and me home. I thanked Mrs. Johnson for letting me stay with her, and she told me to come back any time. Ana smiled at me, obviously exhausted.

We walked up the stairs, past the cat, and entered the apartment. Ana set Haley on the floor and plopped down on the mattress, wincing and making a small whine. I wasn’t sure whether I should sit on the floor with Haley and leave Ana alone, or help Ana and let Haley play. Haley helped my decision by screaming her little lungs out when she bit her own foot. I gently sank to my knees and held her, letting her chew on the fleshy part of my hand until her gums were satisfied. Ana started to snore lightly, so I guessed she was asleep. I took Haley in my lap and bounced her a little, then started to sing lullabies to her. Sadly, the only ones I knew were Christian songs that we learned in church.

“Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

I sang softly, hoping that Ana wouldn’t wake up. Her job must be pretty hard for her to be this tired. Haley started to fuss. I suppose she didn’t like Christian music. I grinned and rolled my eyes, knowing my mother would call her a heathen child for crying at The Lord’s Music. I tried my hardest to think of another song to sing for her. I know my father used to sing to me in secret when I was tiny, to my mother’s displeasure. If only I could think of one of his songs.

“Twinkle, twinkle little star,” I began, quickly realizing I had no clue what the rest of the words were. I repeated the phrase in different pitches a few times, then gave up. Suddenly, Ana rolled over in her bed and smiled at us sitting on the floor. She sat up gently and started singing the words I’d forgotten.

“Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.”

Her voice was calm and clear, melodic like I’d never heard from the old ladies in church. She had real talent, and this was just a simple children’s song. Haley laughed and smiled, making both Ana and me laugh and smile as well.

“I’m sorry,” Ana sighed, “I forgot about dinner. I think we might have some noodles left. Oh, I think we have some apples in the fruit drawer. They might be bruised, but we can cut that out.”

She lifted herself up, sucking in air sharply. She minced over to the refrigerator and opened the drawer. I got up and followed her into the kitchen area.

“Only one apple left. Tell you what; I’m looking to have some fun tonight. I had a rough day today. Do you know how to play Texas Hold ‘Em?” She grinned at me, impishness shining in her eyes.

“Texas what?” I asked.

“Oh, you’ll love this. It’s a card game. Here, I’ll explain the rules and we’ll play a practice round. Then we can play one real round. Winner gets the apple. What do you say?”

“My mother says card games are for drunks and devils. Sure. I’m in.” I said, laughing.

She explained the rules to me and we played a practice round. She beat me, but not by much. After one last clarification of the rules, we played the real round. It was intense for me. I judged every move I made carefully. Ana, on the other hand, was having a grand time trying to outwit me. I guess my careful planning paid off, because in the end, Lady Luck gave me the win. I bit into my apple triumphantly.

Somebody knocked on the apartment door, making us both jump in surprise.

“I’ll get it,” she said. She crossed the room to the door and opened it slightly. I heard her talking to some guy in hushed whispers. The only thing I heard from their conversation was her hissing “Where are your pants?” at him. She backed away from the door and grabbed a pair of jeans from the line strung from wall to wall, passed it through the door, and steadily kept up the chatter as whoever was on the other side of the door changed.

“Lyss?” She called to me, “Do you mind picking up Haley for a little while? Don’t put her down.”

I did as she asked. Once Haley was in my arms, she allowed the mysterious stranger in the room. He was tall, at least a head taller than Ana. His eyes were bloodshot, his dusty blonde hair sticking out at odd angles. He wore a long coat and blue jeans with holes in them. His shirt could have been white at one time, but was now spattered with paint and grease. He had his arms crossed over his chest and nodded a quick hello to me. I returned the nod.

“So Stash, can I stick around until the pigs leave? Can I? I promise to be good. I swears it. Come on, you wouldn’t throw out a clown like me would you?” He pleaded with her. He grabbed her hand with both of his and got down on his knees.

Stash? Who was this weird man?

Ana jerked her hand away and sighed deeply.

“Look, Spazz, I love you like a brother. But I’ve got a kid to look after, okay? I can’t have the pigs in here scaring her and my guest. If you stay here, and the pigs come, I’m turning your ass in for a reward. Got it? If you are okay with that, then yes, you can stay here. But you’re keeping your nasty self in the bathroom until you get a bath. You smell like something the cat dragged in.”

He grinned and wrapped her in a huge bear hug, then scrambled to the bathroom and shut the door. I heard water running a few minutes later. Ana leaned against the door with her hand over her eyes.

“How do I get myself into these messes?” She mumbled.


It turns out that Spazz has a real name. His name is Richard, and he’s only 16. He and Ana have been friends for only a few months, but she trusts him for the most part. Apparently, Spazz made a big mistake tonight. He and his friends were sitting on the merry-go-round, snorting substances that I didn’t know existed, when they were caught by the police. As Ana said, this wouldn’t be a problem if they had been in their part of town. But of course, they were on the upper class side of town.

When the cops showed up, they all scattered in different directions. Spazz and his friend Andy took off for Ana’s house, but Andy went down a wrong alley and got caught. Spazz needed a place to stay, and Ana’s house was the safest he could think of.

While Spazz showered, Ana and I offered to take his clothes to the 24-Hour Laundromat. Ana locked the bathroom door from the outside, then pushed a chair in front of it.

“There’s no way in hell you can get out of that door, so you sit still until we get back. You know I love you to death, but you’re as bad as the rest of us. We’ll be back soon.” She yelled over her shoulder as she closed the door.

I carried Haley and Ana carried a Wal-Mart sack filled with every article of clothing that Spazz had been wearing. Haley was nearly asleep on my shoulder when we got to the Laundromat. Ana unloaded his stuff into one of the gigantic washing machines and inserted two quarters into the machine. It whirred to life, gurgling and sputtering. Ana sat on top of the machine cross-legged. I set Haley down on top of the silent machine next to Ana’s and crawled up there myself.

Ana chuckled, then pinched her fingers together.

“Ohm.” She chanted with her eyes closed. I giggled and followed suit.

“Ohm.” I opened one eye to watch Ana’s face.

“Ohm.”

“Ohm. Hey Ana?”

“Ohm. Yeah Lyss?” She opened one eye as well.

“Why did that guy call you Stash?”

She hesitated for a minute.

“It’s another nickname, kiddo. No big deal. Some of the people you meet around here might call me Stash. See? Anastasia is my real name. Ana is what my friends call me. Stash is…” she trailed off. “Stash is what some other people call me.”

“But,” I said, frowning, “I thought you said Spazz was your friend. He calls you Stash.”

“Well, that’s true.” She muttered, “But he knew me in other ways before he was my friend.”

“Other ways?” I asked, stupidly not realizing that she wanted to drop the subject.

“Yes, Alyssa, other ways. Look, I don’t know if I want you to be in that crowd or not. You’re a really good kid. I’m just not sure if you should be with my kind of people. That’s all. Some of us do thing that I’m sure your Mommy wouldn’t approve of.” She snorted, hopping down off of the washing machine. I hadn’t even realized it had gone off.

She moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer. She dropped a few coins in and it roared to life. I bothered a loose thread on my jacket as she took deep breaths to calm down. I was just about to say something when the doors to the Laundromat burst open and two thugs dressed in black ski masks pointed their guns all over the place.

“Everybody get on the ground!” The first one yelled. He had a deep, growling voice. People all around the Laundromat dropped to the floor, whimpering and crying, some screaming. The women behind the counter looked as if they would faint.

I grabbed Haley and hit the floor, trembling. She started to cry. Ana remained standing.

“Ana, you’re going to get yourself killed!” I hissed, trying to hush Haley. Either she didn’t hear me, or she was ignoring me. She remained standing.

The second person pointed his gun at Ana.

“I said get to the floor!”

This was a feminine voice. Either one of the robbers was a girl, or he was going through puberty. I peeked my head up a little to see what was happening. Ana was flashing some sign with her fingers. The two robbers flashed it back. Ana then reached down, jerked me up by my jacket, and picked up Haley. She took Spazz’s half-dried clothes from the dryer, and we walked out of the Laundromat without getting shot.

I was about to have a nervous breakdown by the time we were halfway back to the apartment. I could not believe that Ana got us out of a robbery.

“How did you do that?” I asked, stupidly forgetting that she couldn’t see into my head.

“How did I do what?” She asked, fumbling for a cigarette, but realizing Haley was with us. She stuck the cigarette in her pocket until after we got the baby home.

“That. The finger sign. How did you get us out of that mess?”

“What, this?” She flashed the sign again. “It means I recognized them and was part of their group. I knew them both. I wasn’t exactly sure until Rainbow spoke, but when I saw it was her, I knew the other had to be Jink. They let me go because I’m their friend, and they know I wouldn’t rat. They let you go because I said so. Hey, wait out here. I’ll be right back, let me put Haley to bed.” She took the sleeping baby from my arms and laid her in the crib. She joined me outside shortly afterwards.

“Listen,” she started, “I need to know now if you think you want to get into my world. I’m sure my friends would accept you if they got to know you, but kiddo, it’s a huge step. Especially for you. Is there any way that we can get you home, back to your own life?”

“No. I know my mom too well.” I sighed deeply, shivering as the wind kicked up. “She never let my brother come home. I wasn’t even allowed to say his name after he left. My Dad still doesn’t know that Mom kicked him out.”

“That’s horrible, Lyss.” She said, lighting her cigarette. “Where do you think he went?”

“Who knows? I haven’t talked to him in four years. He left when he was seventeen. Mom told Dad that he ran off to join the Army. But I heard them. So I know I can’t go back.”

Ana sighed, taking a long drag on her cigarette.

“Do you want to come into my world, Alyssa?” She said simply. Her eyes looked both excited and frightened, with a mix of protection and foreboding.

“Yes.” I said, certain for once in my life, “I do. I have no other place to go. I trust you, Ana.”

She shook her head a few times, putting a little bounce in her step.

“Okay, you’re in. I’ll take you with me tomorrow down to the club to let you meet the others. But we need to have a long talk tonight. I need to tell you some things. You need to be sure you really want to do this. This world of mine, it’s a life of sex and drugs. It’s a life of doing wrong, doing some illegal things. It might scare you. I don’t know how you were raised, but I want you to pretend like none of that matters. You need to start fresh, kiddo. Just know that I’ll be here for you the whole way. Pretty soon, you’ll have your own notch in our chain.”

I wasn’t sure exactly what she meant. I had guessed she was hiding something from me, but I wasn’t quite sure what. I was about to ask her what her big secret was, when she suddenly stomped out her cigarette and cursed.

“Damn! We left Spazz in the bathroom. He’s got to be spazzing out, no pun intended.”

We both hurried inside, and sure enough, Spazz was rocking against the bathtub, biting his fingernails. Ana threw the clean clothes at him and told him to get dressed. He did so gratefully, though he whimpered like a puppy when we shut the door on him again.

Ana and I boiled a pot of water and added whatever we could find in the kitchen to it. What we wound up with was a mixture of macaroni noodles and ramen with half a tomato and three carrots. We added powdered cheese for taste, though it didn’t help very much. Supper was almost finished by the time Spazz had figured out how to pull his shirt on over his head. We ate in silence, aside from Spazz trying to convince us that his tomato was trying to eat his fork. I don’t want to know what drugs he was on.

Ana told him to take the couch, and asked me if I was comfortable sleeping in her bed with her. I said that would be okay with me.

Spazz fell asleep pretty easily. His head hit the pillow and he was gone. Ana and I took the time to go back outside to talk. We sat at the top of the stairs that led down to the shivering kitty. She reached for a cigarette and lit it.

“All right. Where do you want me to begin? I can shock you now, or I can shock you later.” She puffed out a cloud of smoke and flicked ash on the pavement.

“Might as well get it over with.” I muttered, scooting closer to her to avoid the cold.

“All right, I was afraid you would say that.” She laughed, then met my eyes. “Alyssa, I really don’t know how to say this gently enough not to scar you for life or whatever. So I’m just going to say it. I work as a prostitute for a living.”

My gasp of shock made her wince. Unintentionally, I pulled away from her a little.

“Well, that didn’t go so well.” She groaned. I scooted closer to her.

“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting something like that!” I nearly yelled.

“Hey, it’s not like I chose to do this!” She said equally loud, “I had no other options! I was desperate and poor, barely living off the money I had stashed for myself and the tiny paycheck I got working part-time at The Movie Hut. I couldn’t survive on that. Then I met Izzy, and he told me how to earn a few extra dollars. It’s just been my way of life ever since. I was going to give it up, to finally get myself a good job and rise above all this filth. But then I got pregnant with Haley and I couldn’t quit. I was out of work for a few months, and it nearly killed me and my unborn baby. I was so afraid. I had to take on other horrible jobs. I sold drugs, I helped some of the gang terrorize the rival gang. I did a lot of stuff I’m not proud of. As soon as Haley was born and I had a place to leave her during the day, I got back into the business. That’s why I didn’t want my name getting out on the other side of town, Lyss. I only have a few clients in the upper class part of town, and they wouldn’t tell a soul. Most of the trash I’m with lives down here in the gutters with the rest of the rats.” She spat on the ground, eyes flashing with bitterness.

“Ana, I had no idea.” I didn’t know what else to say. What could you possibly say to something like that?

“Alyssa, I knew I shouldn’t have dragged you into this mess. I should have just kept walking that day, left you alone. You might have found a way to get back home. Your Mom might have come to her senses. You never know. I shouldn’t have gotten you into this.” She pounded her fist against the stone wall. I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Tell me more.”

She looked up at me and sighed, smiling her impish grin.

“If you insist.”


I left my house when I was sixteen. My father and his whores made sure I knew I wasn’t wanted. It wasn’t until that bastard slapped me so hard I fell into a glass table that I realized I needed to get out of there.

His whore of the month, Jennifer, was the Queen of the Laundry Hell for some odd reason. She probably sniffed his underwear before she washed it or something nasty like that. She was a pervert like that. Either way, it was in April that we had a confrontation in the laundry room. She wanted to wash all my clothes, including what I was wearing. I, of course, protested. My father was home, and I knew he wouldn’t keep his eyes to himself. It didn’t matter that I was his daughter. Even at sixteen, I was very well developed. Even the old guys at church would stare. And this Devil Queen wanted me to prance around the house naked for him.

“I’m not taking my clothes off in here. I’ll go back to my room, get undressed, and change into a nightgown or something. Then I’ll bring the clothes back in here. Is that all right with you, Miss Jennifer?” I smarted off. She responded by shoving me into a shelf, leaving a nice sized bruise where my shoulder collided with the sharp edge. I decided to take my shirt off to see if it would make her shut up. Of course, it didn’t.

“Strip faster, damn you!” She cursed at me, ripping the shirt out of my hands.

I pulled away from her and ran to my room, locking my door behind me. I finished getting undressed, put on pajamas, and took my clothes into the laundry room. She waited there for me with my father. He took one look at me and rolled his eyes.

“Would you stop being a smartass and do what Jennifer says? She’s almost your mother now, you know. Stop being a dumb bitch.” He growled.

I went to open my mouth in a retort, and he slapped me hard across the face. The force knocked me off balance and I fell into a glass table against the wall in the hallway. It shattered, cutting me. He and his whore walked off, away from me. Didn’t ask if I was all right. He didn’t try to pick the glass out of my skin. He just left. And I knew I had to get out of there.

I locked myself in our bathroom and picked as much glass out of my back as I could I gathered all that I had in there and took it to my room, packed a bag, and waited. As soon as I heard my father and his whore doing their nightly nasties, I crept out the window and dropped to the street below. I didn’t have much with me as far as clothing went, but I did manage to steal $200 from my father’s secret stash. I walked until I was far enough away, then I found this apartment complex. I paid a down payment of $150 and moved in that night. My apartment was totally bare. I slept on the floor, wrapped in three shirts for a blanket. My first piece of furniture was a lawn chair that I bought for a nickel at a garage sale. I slowly built up from there.

I found the club one night when I was hunting for bargains in the flea market. Some guys were talking in the corner and pointing at me. I walked over to see what their deal was, and they asked me if I wanted to come with them. That’s when I entered their element. The music. The noise. The lights. The colors. It was a poor person’s club, but it felt like we were rich. There was nothing better to release tension than to grab a beanbag at the club and listening to the beat. After a while, I started chatting it up with some of the people there. They were all nice people, but they all had issues. No big deal. Most of them thought that I had issues too, and I did. The club was a place to meet others who have had it as bad as you. I loved it. I lived for it. They helped me get on my feet. My refrigerator? That came from Twiggy. He found it cheap at an estate sale and fixed it up for me. We all looked out for each other.

Then one night, another newbie at the club, Rex, took me into his car and offered me $200 if I would have sex with him. I needed the money. I said yes. From then on, my body hasn’t been an issue. I mean, I’m careful and everything. I know that some really bad stuff happens out there. I know it’s so easy for me to get killed. I know that. But I just knew that my survival was more important than my morals and sense of self. Sometimes, you just have to do things to feed yourself and pay your rent. I worked things like that for a while. I’d hang out at the club and meet people, then slowly offer myself to any male who looked like he had a stash of money. That’s how I got my name, Stash. That’s my hooker name.

My clients are mostly wealthy middle-class to upper-class citizens, surprisingly. There are a lot of people who need to do something against their parents, or their wife, or their morals. There are men who like to get drunk on the weekends and don’t mind shelling out a nice sum for some entertainment. My regular sessions bring in $100-$250 per visit. The only bad thing is that rent and the bills are a lot more than that, and I do need days to rest. I’ve always been so careful not to tire myself out, not to let them hurt me much, and to just generally be careful. Of course, Haley is a result of my not being careful enough.

Haley was the result of a one-night stand. He was tall and blonde, deep green eyes, and very well endowed. He lived somewhere in Florida, but passed through here on the way to spend a week with his buddies in Nebraska. I only saw him for one night, but I can never forget him. Haley is a part of him. She’s my angel, my baby girl. But she was also a burden to me. That was eight months out of work after I found out I was pregnant. I’m still paying off the hospital bills. I wanted to have her at home, but Mrs. J wouldn’t let me. She wanted my baby to be safe and healthy.

I just wish I could raise her somewhere else. This isn’t the place to have a baby at. She deserves a real house, maybe a swing set and a front porch. She needs to be around children and bright things, not crack heads and dark alleys. And what am I going to tell her when she gets older and wants to know who her Dad is? I can’t just tell her that her father was a bastard and her mom was a whore, can I? She’s my daughter. I love her more than anybody else in the entire world. I want to find us a place to live away from the sex, away from the drugs, away from the back alleyways and the thugs. She needs to be taken care of like any baby. I want to be able to buy her good food. I want to give her a full bottle of baby formula. I just don’t know how things can get better. I’m barely keeping my head above the water here, Lyss. The guys at the club tried to help out a lot in the beginning, but having a baby is expensive. There’s the food, the diapers, the crib, the clothes, and all sorts of other expenses. Mrs. Johnson helped me out a lot, by teaching me how to be a good mother and by watching Haley while I was at work. She doesn’t approve of my profession, but she doesn’t judge me for it.

I want to get my daughter a good doctor’s checkup. She’s probably way overdue for her baby shots. I just don’t have the money. I know, I make a lot for every client I visit. But that goes to bills, paying back debts, repaying the hospital, buying food, buying clothes, buying diapers. I have nothing left over at the end of the month. I just can’t keep living like this, Alyssa. I’m so sorry I brought you into this. I just know what it feels like to be alone on the streets. I’ve seen some scary stuff. I didn’t want some perverted freak to pick you up. I don’t really know how to tell you this, babe, but you’re going to see some freaky stuff. The club has some weird people in there. I’ll tell them you’re off limits, but I don’t know if I can keep them from pestering you. You’ll see people doing drugs in there. You’ll see them having sex sometimes. It’s a whole new world, Lyss. Do you really think you’re ready for it? People will come up to me and ask me for a one-night stand. They’ll treat me like dirt. They’ll probably treat you like dirt, too. That’s just how things work. If you’ve got an open mind and really want to fit in, you will. But if you get uncomfortable, we can figure something else out. I want to keep you safe, Lyss. But I don’t know if I can keep you away from my world. That’s why I’m telling you this now. I want you to be ready. Do you think you’re ready?


“I’m ready.” I said, nodding my head in confirmation. I knew I could handle it. It sounded so dangerous, so beyond my beliefs. But it sounded so exciting. I wanted to know. I wanted to get in on the action. I had never wanted anything more in my life. My mother would burn me at the cross if she knew I was thinking like this, living like this. But I didn’t care. I really didn’t.

Ana smiled at me and gave me a little hug. We got up and went back into the apartment. Haley and Spazz were still fast asleep. Ana threw some sweatpants at me and I changed. We crawled into bed and snuggled down under the covers. I turned towards the wall and tried to remember what my brother looked like. I heard Ana snore lightly before I finally closed my eyes and slept.

The next morning, I rolled over and saw Ana and Spazz arguing.

“Stash, come on! I’m hungry! Can’t I have just a little breakfast?” Spazz said, puppy dog-eyeing Ana.

“Get up and get it yourself. We have no food, go catch a rat or something.” Ana yelled over her shoulder as she bathed Haley in the bathroom.

“But Stash baby, I’m too weak and poor to get up and get my own breakfast. Can’t you bring it to me in bed?” He called sweetly.

“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. Otherwise, shut up. Are you going to the club today?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Me and the kid are going.”

“You’re bringing the kid?” He still hadn’t noticed that I was listening.

“Of course I’m bringing the kid, she lives with me now.”

“Do you really think she’s ready? They’ll eat her alive. Or eat her like a kitty cat. Meow!” He laughed like a maniac. I didn’t catch the joke.

“Shut up, Spazz. I don’t know if she’s ready. She just needs to get used to things down here.” I heard her fussing at Haley, who I assumed was splashing water around the bathtub.

I raised my head at that point, and Spazz caught my eye.

“Well, well. Sleeping beauty awakes. Hello Princess, have a nice nap?” He smiled at me.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Ana popped her head out from the bathroom.

“Hey Lyss, sleep well? Want to come in here and help me finish up with Haley?”

“Sure.” I said. I joined her in the bathroom where Haley was being absolutely adorable. She had pulled herself forward from her baby bath seat and was propped on her knees, bouncing and scooting back and forth like a little seal. She had the most adorable expression on her face. I couldn’t help but smile. Ana finished getting all the baby soap out of Haley’s hair, then wrapped her up tight in a soft and squishy towel. She handed Haley to me so she could pick out some baby clothes for her. We got her dressed amazingly quick, considering Haley was wiggling and struggling the whole time. Ana and I made a great team.

I was aware that Spazz was watching my every move, and it was starting to make me nervous. Ana and I went along like normal, getting things ready and preparing for a new day. Ana grabbed the diaper bag and I grabbed Haley, who had pulled herself to a standing position while holding onto the edge of the couch, then promptly fell down.

Ana, Spazz, and I took Haley down to Mrs. Johnson’s apartment. She fussed when she left my arms, and it made my heart melt. Haley was an adorable baby. I was really getting attached to her. While Ana was explaining to Mrs. Johnson that Haley was starting to eat small solid food, like fruit and cereal, Spazz walked over to the old six-toed cat and crouched down on the ground to pet him. The cat regarded him with the utmost scrutiny. If I were the cat and some guy who looked like Spazz got in my face, I believe I would come to this conclusion: Spazz was weird. He looked even weirder with clean clothes on. For some odd reason, cleanliness looked awkward on him. I suppose he’s always been covered with filth, so his body expects there to be a layer of filth on him at all times.

“You two ready yet?” Ana said, making Spazz and the cat jump a little.

“Aw, Ana, ain’t he cute? Can I keep him?” Spazz batted his eyelashes at her. She, in turn, smacked him in the back of the head and told him to hurry up.

We walked into the heart of the downtown area, past some really shady characters. Ana and Spazz stopped at a heavy iron door leading into a building covered with tin. The building looked plain at first glance: Tin walls on the outside, graffiti carved and painted all over the place, dirt and grime coating the bottom. What I didn’t notice at first was that this place had no windows. What I didn’t notice second was that it had a telephone nailed to the wall, just like they have in the prisons. This one was enclosed in a rusty box that required a password to get in. Ana rolled the combination lock until it clicked open, then dialed a number on the phone. She waited for a second before someone answered.

“Hey Kitty, it’s Stash. Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s me and two friends. Huh? Oh, Spazz and a new girl. Yeah, she’s all right. She’s living with me now. No, her mom kicked her out. Yeah? Well put him on the phone.” She rolled her eyes and made a face at the phone. “Hello Boss? Yeah, I’ve got a newbie here. No, she’s okay. Trust me. Why would I risk that? You know me. Boss, come on. She’s a good kid. She’s staying with me. No. No, look, she’s either coming in with me or none of us will come in. Yeah? All right, awesome. Thanks Big B. Right, send Fritz to come get us in. Yeah, thanks. Bye.”

The door to the club swung open and I was met with a blast of heavy rock music and the smell of cigarette smoke. A sign on the wall read “Welcome to the Club” in big block letters. Ana pushed me through the door, Spazz right at my heels.

It was actually a nice little place. One area had a few beanbags and couches in a corner. A few people looked up and stared at me, then went back to talking amongst each other. I looked to the right and found a bar-like area. Bottles and glasses sparkled at me and the bartender smiled. He looked to be about 40 years old. The full right side of the room looked like an arcade. There was a pool table inhabited by four guys and one girl, who looked to be winning. There were four video game stations, including PacMan and some hunting game. The sound system was in this part of the club. One of the pool players walked over there and changed the song. What was a hard rock song a minute ago became intense screamo. One of the other pool players cringed and changed it to a whiney metal song with a lead singer that screeched like someone was stabbing him.

Ana put her arm around my shoulder and told me to relax, that these were good people.

“I know. I’m okay. Are all of these your friends?” I asked.

“Sure are. I’ve known every single one of these people for a while, and slept with half of them.” She winked at me. “We don’t get many newbies in here. Someone has to invite you in, then you have to prove you belong here. All that really means, though, is that you talk to people and tell them a little about yourself. You’ll be fine.”

We walked over to the group of girls sitting on the couches, while Spazz joined the guys at the pool table. I noticed the girls giving me the once-over when I approached. Ana pulled a beanbag out of a stack in the corner and tossed it at me, then got one for herself. We plopped down on the shag rug. The girls watched me intently.

“Jade, Malice, Kitty, Ravin, Pinecone, Cookie, and Crypta, I’d like you to meet my friend Lyss. She comes from the rich side of town, but she’s homeless. She’s staying with me and helping me out at home. You’ll see her around here as much as you see me, so you better get used to her. And if I hear anyone give her any bullshit, I will rub your face in the ground in the parking lot. Got it?”

The girls regarded me with mild respect but mostly caution.

“So what’s your real name, Lyss?” Said one girl who I think was Malice.

“My real name is Alyssa. But An…Stash calls me Lyss.” I glanced at Ana and she smiled at me.

“Cool. My mom was from the rich part of town. She got raped when she was 10 and ran away from home. She’s been here ever since. The rich part’s almost as rough as down here, except nobody believes you up there.” Cookie spat on the floor.

“So Stash, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.” Pinecone asked, picking at the hem of her blue dress. Most of the girls in this place dressed like sluts. Pinecone dressed like she was still ten years old.

“You know,” Ana said, “I’ve been around. Work’s been keeping me busy. I’ve got to put food on the table somehow.” A few of the girls snickered.

“Same here,” said a gothic-looking girl. “Work’s been keeping me on my toes. Well, techinically, on my knees. Or my back. Or….you get the picture.” Everyone cracked up at that, except me. I didn’t get it. But I laughed just because everyone else was laughing.

“Crypta, are you and Shaun still planning on moving out in December?” Ana asked.

“We’re not sure. He has to finish paying off Benny before we move, or else we might wake up one day in our new house with cat intestines wrapped around our doorknob or something. Benny’s a freak.” She looked down at her shoes. Unlaced converse. Very cool.

“You two borrowed from Benny? Are you crazy? That guy really is a freak. You know, he’s probably the only client I ever turned down.” Ana shuddered.

“I didn’t. Be glad you did.” Ravin laughed. She snapped and unsnapped her glow stick necklace. “The guy might be packing, but he has no clue what to do! I need to find a book called Sexing Your Whore For Dummies. He needs it!”

“Ravin, you’ve done almost every guy in the city and half the ones in the big city too.” Kitty giggled. “At least I keep it low-key.”

“Yeah, you only do people you’re related to.” Malice snorted. That brought another round of laughter from everyone.

“It was only one time! And I didn’t know he was my cousin! My aunt’s a hoe, remember? I thought she only had girls, but apparently she had David too.” Kitty pouted. “It sucks though, because he was probably the best one yet. And I can’t do anything because we’re related. Oh, and the fact that he killed himself afterwards. That sucked too.”

“So,” Jade said, standing up from her place on the couch and grabbing a beanbag, “What all have you done, Lyss? Or should I say…who?” She winked and plopped down next to me.

“Um. Well, I don’t really. I mean, um, uh.” I stammered. “My mom was a religious freak, and I grew up in the church, and I never really got around much. She kicked me out because I skipped church once because I was cramping. And that’s when Stash found me.”

A few of the girls shot each other looks. Some smiled sympathetic smiles at me.

“Well, you’ve got a home here.” Pinecone said. She smiled at me and I smiled back.

“Yeah,” Cookie said, “You can stick around here. But girl, you really need to be more outgoing. More active. Do you like music?”

“Music?” I said, “Well, I haven’t really heard much, but I like what I’ve heard.”

“Great,” she said. “Hey Jersey, turn on my mix!” A boy at the pool table broke away from the game and changed the CD. A weird techno beat filled the air.

Cookie got up and started dancing. Ravin soon followed, with Kitty bouncing alongside them. Soon, everyone but Stash, Crypta, and me were up and dancing. The song ended and they all fell back on the couches, breathing hard and grinning from ear to ear.

“Like them?” Crypta asked me.

“Sure! What are they called?”

“The Mechanical Peacocks,” She said, “They’re from Europe. Raves are much more common in Europe than they are here. Ravin wants to go to Europe when she gets older. She’d have to screw the President to get enough money, though.” Ravin laughed and threw a pillow at Crypta.

“I do not! Just the Pope.” She winked and threw her head back, laughing. “That song was called Spiders in Sodomy. It’s pretty cool. You know why they wrote it? The lead singer was drunk at a nightclub and walked into the men’s room. He pissed, and when he went to wash his hands, there was a spider fighting an ant on the counter. Big freaking spider too! He took out his cell phone and caught a few minutes of the battle on video, then showed it to his band. The rest of the Peacocks agreed that it was super rad, and they turned it into a song. That’s why you hear the lines ‘this isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting’ right after you hear them say ‘spider spider, laughing ant, time to die when your face explodes.’ He was working a paper-pushing job at the time, and the nightclub offered him an escape. Then he saw the ant and put some meaning behind it. It’s really deep.”

Kitty sighed. “I just think the lead singer, Bryan Volten, is super hot. I’d bone him.”

Several people agreed, a few throwing in other comments. All our attention was shifted, though, when the phone rang.

“I’ll get it!” Yelled Pinecone, jumping up and racing to the phone. She spoke to the person on the other end for a little bit, then called for the Boss. The bartender walked over there and got on the phone. Pinecone came back to our circle with a look of disgust on her face.

“Who was it?” Jade asked.

“It was Flitty. Ew. I hate him.” She stuck her tongue out.

“Ew. Flitty. He’s such a pervert. If he hits on me one more time, I swear to God, I’ll knock his face in.” Crypta balled her fist.

Boss opened the door and a short, fat guy walked in. He had dark brown hair in an army cut, shaved close to his head. It made him look horrible. His clothes were way too big for him. He smelled like fish, and you could tell from all the way across the room. Of course, with our luck, he walked right over to us.

“Hello ladies,” He said, slicking back his hair, “How are we tonight?”

Everyone glared at him.

“Well, aren’t we lively. I’m sure I could fix your lack of entertainment if one of you would please come with me.” He motioned for the bathroom doors.

“Go away, asshole.” Someone hissed.

“Oh, temper, ladies. Now let’s look at things from my point of view, shall we? It’s a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve had some serious personal growth in the last week. I just want to share my good fortune with you less lucky ladies.” He flashed a cheesy smile.

“A hard on doesn’t count as personal growth.” Crypta snarled. “Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?”

“Mostly.” He laughed cockily, “At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.”

“So do we,” said Kitty, “What do we look like? Whores?” The irony of her words set in and people were trying to stifle their laughter.

“Go away, Flitty.” Ana growled.

“Ah, my little Stashy Bear. How are you, buttercup? When shall we go to the back, sweetness?” He made a grab for her arm but she slapped him away forcefully.

“How about never? Is never good for you? Do I look like a fucking people person?” She spat on the ground. “Do not start with me. You will not win.”

“Aw, how cute.” He cooed, “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”

“No,” she smirked, “But they gave me your number. Said you were the worst probe they ever had. Said that you didn’t have anything at all, couldn’t even call it rape.”

His face fell and he glared at her.

“Aw,” She said, “Did I step on your poor little bitty ego?” Ravin looked like she was about to pee on herself, she was laughing so hard.

“Oh ha ha, Stashy Bear, that was so funny that I forgot to laugh.” He rolled his eyes.

“But, you just did!” Said Pinecone, laughing. Flitty blushed and ran his fingers through the stubble of hair on his head.

“You ladies know that you miss me when I’m not here.” He said.

“How can we miss you if you won’t go away?” Cookie asked.

“Fine, fine. I’ll leave. The boys know how to party better anyways. They can bag me a nice fine doe to take home and mount. On my wall, of course.” He winked and wiggled his fingers in a wave goodbye.

“We know you like the boys better,” Malice yelled after him. “You like them right up the ass!”



Clearly - Part 2 NaNovel 2006